Lifelong Decision

Almost a year and a half ago, when I decided that I was going to go on an 11 month mission trip, I was declaring that I was going to “give up” the normal life for almost a year, and then return to the American Dream. I had just graduated from college so I figured I could give a year to God. But since arriving “home” I realized returning to “normal” was no longer possible. I have been blessed or burdened (whichever way you would love to view my utter insanity) to see what life was about and I can no longer pretend that I do not know. And we all know that to those who know are held to a higher standard than those who do not. So I have decided that the only way to fully live out my life and suppress this huge burden on my heart is to fully surrender my life back to the Lord, I am giving it all up again, but this time for good.


There are many days when I feel the weight of the things I have seen all over the world and I start to get overwhelmed with my next steps in life and how I can “change the world”.  I feel like I must present this huge plan to all of my family and supporters because I feel like that is what is expected from a fulltime missionary. But I know that I am only one woman and that I can only do what one woman can and I have to be okay with the fact that I will not change the world. But I found that I can change the world for one person.  I can change the world for a few orphans, a sick and dying man, a woman living on the streets, a malnourished 5 year old, and a teenage girl who acts out in her search for love. If I can just make sure that one person can see the love of Christ in me, then my “loss” will be worth every minute I give up of living for myself.


While I have no specific short term plan for my future I do have a dream of owning my own nonprofit that will eventually lead to a sustainable income through job opportunities offered, for families for generations to come. Then, I would like to eventually starting my own orphanage. But I am also open to whatever door God opens and offers me to walk through. So with this dream I have to humble myself and say that I am not fully equipped to go onto the mission field, whether it is with owning my own nonprofit or just serving. I realized this past year that I am only a baby in my faith and knowledge of things in this world. I have been offered a seat in a mission’s school called G42. I am one of 15 young adults that have been chosen through an extensive interview process to be poured into for the next 6 months while preparing me for the next step in my ministry. I have chosen to go into the school with a specific study in nonprofit organizations and minor in missions/church planting so that I could be prepared to start my own nonprofit and continue ministry. But in the end basically all I want to do what Jesus did. To go and serve where ever the Father tells me to. When he gives me an opportunity to serve and to grow closer to him I will take it.


All I am asking from this blog post is that you look into your heart and really go into prayer about how you can serve God fully. It is so simple that all of us were created to ultimately do the same thing. Although it will not look the same, but we were all created to change the world for someone, to serve someone, and to love someone the way that Christ first loved us.


If you feel as though you were called to be a supporter of a missionary in prayer or financially I would gladly appreciate either or both 


If you feel like you would like to check out the school I am attending and/or donating straight to my tuition account here is the website.If you donate through here it also has the perk of being tax deductible   http://www.g42leadershipacademy.org/

Or if you would like to donate to me personally you can donate to my paypal account here

Free Condoms.

I recently heard this video on YouTube (which I'm sure you have all seen) where the guy in it refers to the "church" as a hospital for sinners........Which I think is what it is supposed to be, but I went to church this morning.

I was sitting there and as I listened to all of the "I's", what "I" can do to fix myself, what "I" can do to make it work, what "I"....... the list went on and on. 

I left the church feeling a bit empty. The sermon was on Depression, and lets just say I left feeling a little depressed. 

We were told all of these things about how depression affects you and some steps to change your thinking. 

The message today was a "SELF HELP" sermon. Not a spiritual encounter with my God and how his great power will change you. 

At no point did we ever call up people who felt depressed and pray over them and declare in Jesus name that the evil spirit of depression and the way of thinking be cast out. 

I just felt like I wasn't in a hospital. If you have ever gone to a hospital you don't leave the hospital with and open wound and have them tell you to come back next week. You would never stand for that. You would expect someone to look at the wound and say "AHHHH... lets clean that thing up and freaking stitch it together before you bleed to death!" .... you would expect everyone to be on their A-game and get to work right? Call the head Doctor!!! and nurse, and anesthetist and therapist......Not just tell you how you got the cut and then ways to prevent it next time??? 

Instead, I felt as though I was in a Free Health Clinic and they were passing out condoms. A safe way to live, not beneficial in anyway, but its got some protection, and it makes you feel a little better about the way your living. Here, do what you please, but just be sure you use this and do this, and you will be fine. When in reality we never fix the real problem......

I just think that as we see things like this happening in the church we should stop and reassess our views on God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Aren't they the ones who are supposed to fix us? Yea we do things to get there, but we can't do it on our own. And for those who don't think praying over someone is okay in church and should be saved for another time. Check yourself.  

No Longer Lindsey.

I came to this realization about two weeks ago, because for a year I had been in a position where being Christ was just normal. I never thought about "Lindsey" because there wasn't time or the option. But, 

I came off of the World Race,

Emotionally confused and suffering from serious culture shock, my physical body freaked. 

It went searching for a serious love and affirmation that I had been receiving from God for 11 months, from mere humans. 

 I actually had one experience while looking for that love in man, that my Spirit actually cried. I was actually physically crying but yet it wasn't "me" crying..... My physical body was loving the affirmation from man, but my Spirit lost it. It couldn't handle it. My Spirit was literally weeping, and after a good 14 hours of actually crying I realized that nothing on this Earth can satisfy Lindsey. 

I was being loved, yet I felt nothing.

I was comfortable, but so uncomfortable.

I was rested, but felt so restless.

Life was easy, but I never felt so uneasy.

I was given everything, but I had nothing.

I was surrounded by people, but felt so alone.

I made a choice exactly a year ago, to deny Lindsey, that she no longer lives, but that Christ lives in this physical body and just now I am realizing how big of a deal that was...........

In my physical body I feel like I'm in a foreign place. 

My flesh isn't mine anymore, its something that my Spirit has borrowed for 63years, so it can do work.

My flesh disgusts me now. 

It craves all of these things, that I want nothing to be apart of.

My Spirit which is the same Spirit that was in Jesus, is now alive.

It wants more.

It wants to be closer to its Father.

It wants to be closer to its children that are starving.

It wants to be helping those who can't help themselves.

It wants to tell everyone about Jesus.

It wants to heal the sick.

It wants to free the captives. 

It wants sex trade to stop. 

It wants oppression to end.

It wants peace for everyone.

It wants to spread hope.

It wants to love......................................

I've come to do work on this Earth. It is about to go down.